Watch Free Online HD Moviesjoy. Message from the Filmmaker: This film was never meant to be seen. It was Ryan’s idea to create a film about himself, but unhappy with the results he ordered it to be destroyed. As the filmmaker, I found it important this footage be released. Ryan believes himself to be the ideal man, but upon interviewing him I realized that it’s not so much that he takes extreme pride in his masculinity, but rather his greatest fear is being perceived as feminine. Rarely have I encountered a man as full of it as Ryan.